ThoughtfulEscapes

...it's life.

31 Days {Our Words}

by

Desire to Inspire: Pay attention to the words leaving my mouth (or fingertips).

Last night we studied James 3:1-12; about taming the tongue. This is something I’ve made a conscious effort to work on – I tend to be either quiet or sarcastic. If it’s a group of people, I am quiet. If there are only one or two, then I make up for the times I don’t talk :-). Regardless, I am very sarcastic. It is ALWAYS in my head, and sometimes the sarcasm makes it out of my mouth. I am often misunderstood, because of these two extremes.

So, while I haven’t memorized this portion of scripture, I am very familiar with it {I stink at memorizing – I get the gist but that is about it}. What was I reminded of last night? [v8] No man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil. It is full of deadly poison. It is only by God’s strength in grace can our tongue be controlled. Our tongues can get us into so much trouble. And so quickly!

If you’re not familiar with this portion of scripture it is the part about putting a bit in the mouth of a horse to control such a large animal, rudders on ships being small yet used to steer huge vessels, and the tongue being a small part of the body but it is what sets the tone of each person’s life.

5] Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.

6] The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.

…

8] but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. (James 3:5,6, 8 NIV)

How sobering to think our words are like a spark. A thoughtless or carelessly spoken word can hurt and damage a life, whether a person or a relationship; just as the result of a spark is a fire, sometimes contained – sometimes not. As long as there is oxygen and something to burn a fire does not go out. When one person says something and another repeats it when it wasn’t their place to speak. That is the start. Don’t be one to feed the fire by repeating.

I have often told my children – if it isn’t your news, you don’t need to share it. You know that itchy-to-say-something feeling, that is the restless evil in verse 8. Often that feeling is justified by Christian women by deciding it is the Holy Spirit telling us to say something. Um, no. That is justification for gossip. Just like prayer requests in a group, if it isn’t about you – don’t share it in the name of asking others to pray. Unless, you’ve been specifically asked to by the person requesting prayer.

The Holy Spirit doesn’t give us conviction for someone else. He might convict us to pray for someone else – but NEVER to talk about one person to another. {Note: If you’re concerned about someone’s safety and need to seek wise counsel that is different – and is not what I’m talking about.} If you wouldn’t say it to the person, or they wouldn’t say it to the person you are telling – what makes you think it is your business to say anything?

Have you ever been on the receiving end of someone else’s ‘good’ intentions?

I have and it’s not fun. It is where my conviction to watch the words leaving my mouth came from. This is also part of why I have an issue with facebook. The patterns I see on fb follow the philosophy of it being a platform for unaccountable*, non-thought out, spewing of momentary thought. Regardless of who it is aimed at – everyone reads it, many are hurt or left wondering what you really meant. Besides that I have a problem with feeling like when I post a status update I’m standing up in the middle of a crowd saying “Hey, look at me – I’m talking!”…ya, I’m a dork.

The ironic thing is – even though I desperately don’t want to hurt others with my mouth – it has to be a daily decision, my mouth is not naturally kind. I was reminded again in verse 8 – I can’t tame/control my tongue. I am utterly helpless to be successful. I can’t even fake it. I can only stay in close relationship with Christ and allow Him to work through me and He can stop my mouth because of my willingness.

 

Can you believe it? Less than a week of 31 Days is left! Today is day 25. I’m also linking up to Royal Daughter Designs for Desire to Inspire.

*I say unaccountable because if you are hurt by something said you are expected to not really believe it because after all – it’s just facebook. There is no time you are not accountable for the words you say.  So why if it is broadcast – in print to who knows how many, not just by a few hearing – on facebook is it not supposed to hurt? {okay, stepping off my soapbox now}


31 Days {His Plan}

by

These are the oldest digital photos I have; here Vince is 3.5 and Christine is 6 months. I loved her squishy cheeks. She was looking at my dad while he took this photo – she was deep, belly cackling as I kissed on her. {sigh, I miss those days.}

Twelve years ago I was in the middle of a set of three of the hardest nights of my life. I had the sweetest 3 year old little boy and a precious 10 week old little girl. Such babies. So dependent on mom. {me = I knew I was incapable of taking care of them. It was the beginning of a new level of depending on the Heavenly Father} I was so tired – emotionally, physically, and mentally. Spiritually, I was alive. My relationship with Christ was the only reason I functioned. With knowledge, love and support I knew it was time to request my husband either get help or move out until (he) got the help he needed. {It was appropriate for him to move out, we were living in an apartment attached to my parents’ home.} It was awful. I believed given the chance (he) would leave, without much thought {except we were “his” possessions, so there was a slight chance he would choose our family}. My parents believed there would be reconciliation. I wasn’t so sure.

Twelve years ago last night & tonight, the kids and I were at a safe house. I’d spent the day learning about domestic violence. I was blown away. I had no idea. Even now I think of it as someone else’s story. I don’t remember those days as part of my life. Our life. If it wasn’t for the fact just remembering the night has my heart racing and there are snatches of memory (that I know there aren’t photos of), I would think I was reading about someone else. Honestly, I don’t want to remember it. Often I don’t want to believe it is my story. To this day, I struggle saying the words. I have actually asked the Lord to remove the bad memories for both my son & I from those years. Blessedly, He has answered with a ‘yes’. Unfortunately, that also means I don’t remember a lot from those years.

We were separated for three years. For three years, the kids and I had no protection. Three years of knowing each time we met, he could take the kids and law enforcement could do not do anything about it. We met once a week, in a public place, for 2 hours. It was the set up he wanted. The cops were called once. The Lord watched over us and protected us mightily. Two and a half years later he filed for divorce; he’d decided to move on. He wanted custody, 50-50. {Can I just say, I feel sick writing this out.}

These photos are when they had just turned 11 & 8. I thought they were so big. Now I look at these pictures and think, oh! they were such babies.  It was just four years ago, how is this possible?! {sigh} Time just goes so fast.

It was during those years I gained the head knowledge and lots of heart knowledge practice time to get it cemented in my thick skull, “my” children are not mine; they are His, on loan to me. From Him. For a season.

I have only been entrusted with them to do my best teaching and showing them His ways, for the length of time He deems necessary. With no warranty. It really has been a freeing way to parent. A good grounding point for making decisions. And, oh, the guarantee is like no other – He promises He has a plan, a good plan, for their future. I had already claimed that verse for the three of us. It is what has gotten me through many, many situations.

Three months after I was served the divorce papers was the day of court. The day a judge would decide my future, the two most important people in my life and I would  have no control or say. It was up to the judge. The judge was used of God. I was almost incapable of walking I felt so sick. Again, the Lord watched over us and protected us mightily. Because of decisions (he) had made; the status-quo he had set up; the money he had taken when he left; and I had not pushed for my rights or extra “he owes me” anything; even though the judge did not agree with my homeschooling plans — the judge gave me sole legal and physical custody. Just that fast (I honestly have no idea a time frame) everything changed. It was now be a federal offense if (he) were to try to take them. The decision was almost unheard of, my attorney was shocked, but I know Who really provided those stipulations. Since then? we haven’t seen (him) in almost eight years, nor heard from (him) in the last six; yet, because of the custody orders, I am able to make decisions for our family – we are able to function as a sole parent family. We don’t have much in the way of finances, but we live incredibly rich lives.

We have had hard years. Nothing about being a single parent is easy. I’m not sure why this is so heavy on my heart to be posted now, this year. I hope and pray it is to help someone reading. I don’t believe I have shared this much before and know I haven’t in any other public setting. I’d say about 15-20 others know the ‘why’ of me being divorced, and other than 2 or 3 people, they were the ones who helped and supported me through the process.

Five Minute Friday: Welcome

by

So, a week ago I was thinking about joining 31 Days at The Nester’s.  So far, I’m doing it. A post each day, 31 Days, in October. I’m super excited I’m actually doing it :-D! I’m going to post Five Minute Friday today without a picture, because I’m finally actually posting often.

Time for Five Minute Friday over at Lisa-Jo’s, Gypsy Mama: here are the directions from Lisa-Jo herself.

Now, set your timer, clear your head, for five minutes to just write without worrying if it’s just right or not.

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..

Oh and Ahem, if you would take pity and turn off comment verification, it would make leaving some love on your post that much easier for folks!

OK, are you ready? In the spirit of welcoming the 31 Dayers to join us, won’t you please give me your best five minutes on:

Welcome:

Go…. Let me encourage those of you with single parent friends – they are still mom’s/women just like you, with the same needs, aches, and hurts. Welcome them with open arms; they probably need a hug without a request at the end. Plan things just as women – when your husband is gone at work or on a trip; if needed, help set up childcare. At the end of the evening have them check in with you, it really feels good to have someone know exactly when you get home and you’re all settled in. Have your friend call/text when they get home. It gives the single mom courage to go into a dark, empty house after an evening of forgetting a hard reality. Even now, when ending a late night with friends we check in with each other when we each get home. I don’t need it now like I did then, but it still feels good, right, comforting. …Stop

For what it is worth – My 31 Days, day 5 will explain this post more.

Book Study, friend?

by

perfect place for a friend visit

Friend [frend]

Noun: pal; ally; somebody emotionally close; acquaintance; advocate of cause (from MSWord for Mac) and I just have to add this – it cracked me up!…  “8. Verb: to add (a person) to one’s list of contacts on a social-networking Web site” (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/friend)
I have to say I am surprised by the definitions I found.  I expected something along the lines of 
(noun): common interest, spending time together, a person 
you enjoy and choose to spend time with
(verb): be a (friend), to extend kindness, to be gracious to another.
Regardless of my new knowledge on the definition of friend – I consider you, my fellow blogger, a friend – whether you read blogs or have your own blog.  Even though I have never met you.  I do believe I have more in common with many bloggers than I do with most on my facebook friend list.  Interesting.
Anyway, I am going to start a series on Monday sharing, as I would with a friend, one of my all time favorite books.  I love books.  I am one who is usually reading several books and magazines at the same time.  It will be a way for us to enjoy a hot drink and visit together.  I’m going to call it Book Break…
I read mostly historical fiction and books meant to encourage us in our personal walk with our Heavenly Father.  There are two books I consider life-changers for me – Captivating by John & Stasi Eldredge and Do You Think I’m Beautiful? By Angela Thomas.
Why all the rambling about friends and books?  {and yes, books are my friends too}  Because I want to share, in detail, about what I have learned about me as a woman from these two books.  I am going to start with the book Captivating, because that is one I am re-reading right now.  I don’t normally re-read a book – however, I have lost track of how many times I’ve read these two.  {I know it is 5+ times over the  last 7 years for Captivating, and 2+ times over the last 3 or 4 years for Do You Think I’m Beautiful?}

Captivating was the first book in my life that helped me understand me.  I understood well having conflicting thoughts and emotions, but I didn’t understand why.  I am someone who likes to understand the big picture – in fact, I have a hard time when I have to operate in a small portion of the whole.  
~~~
This “book study” of sorts will be me pulling several quotes from each chapter, one chapter per week.  I would encourage you to get the book and read the whole thing on your own.  I would LOVE to “discuss” this via comments (unless you would rather a linky party).  By discuss I’m not saying right/wrong, but “what this means to me” type of discussions.  

We are all in different places in our lives, we may not even share the same belief; however, I will be coming from the platform of – we are all women, created individually and uniquely by a loving God to have a personal relationship with Him.  {Note: I’m not trying to be exclusive on the gender of blog readers.  I realize anything online is allowed to be read by anyone.  If you are reading and you are not a woman, then you will learn lots about how we think and feel :-D.} 
A couple parameters for this discussion:
  • First of all – in order to have a discussion, you will have to post what you think.  Otherwise this will be just me posting interesting thoughts & quotes meaningful to me.  Please don’t leave me hanging :-D! {read as: I’m feeling really insecure right now!!}  I know I have read many blogs without ever posting.  I understand, really I do.  I have had reason to not want to be “found” by those I’d rather not be sharing intimate parts of my life with.  If this is a concern for you, please – email me privately and I will post your comment without identifying information.  
  • Secondly, I would imagine just as with anything, we are not all the same.  We have come from different circumstances, life experiences, and have different reasons for reading/participating in blogs.  It may be as simple as this book doesn’t touch you in the way it touched me, or might someone else.  Let’s all remember to be friendly to each other, extend kindness and be gracious to each other.
  • I don’t want to give the impression this is the only way it is, that it is the end all-be all on everything woman.  I’m truly just sharing a book I have found helpful to me in hopes of encouraging you.

Let’s start now…How about you – Do you enjoy reading?  Do you read more than one book at a time?  Do you have a preference –  real books vs. e-books, or real magazines vs. magazines on an e-reader?
My answer to the above :-D:  Right now I am reading three real books, four e-books, two enjoyment magazines, and multiple issues of two magazines for learning.  I am partial to real books.  I love paper.  I love the smell of paper and color, whether on paper or material.  I love colorful, paperback covers.  I like to feel and touch the paper, the covers, and material.  {I thought the Nook Color would help me like the e-book experience…it didn’t, oh well, have to change with the times, I’ll deal. :-D} 

Disclaimer:  I have not been compensated for any of these statements.  I personally own both books, have never been contacted by either author or anyone on their behalf.  I also personally own, by my decision alone, a Nook Color.  All statements made by me are my own belief.   {now I’m taking multiple deep breaths & pushing public, **edited & republished, to add my pretty “perfect place for a friend visit” picture**}