ThoughtfulEscapes

...it's life.

31 Days {Aching Heart}

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31 Days of Life: Aching Heart {read as: Pity Party}

Today is the two days before my niece’s 9th birthday, one day before the actual day for her. They are in the Philippines, they are 16 hours ahead of us. This time of year I tend to have an aching heart – out of their family of 5, 4 have birthdays in the next two months. My brother’s birthday isn’t until March.

We sent dear sweet Avery’s birthday gifts in ‘the box’ six weeks ago. They got word yesterday it is in the country, but now we don’t know how long before they get it. She won’t have gifts from us on her day – this makes my heart ache. I miss them so much and really want some little people hugs. Like really, really bad. I’m needing them. I do have friend’s with littles about the same age. I do get hugs from them often enough to keep the ache at bay. {It always amazes me how little kids know when an adult needs a hug. Have you ever noticed that?} For the most part, until it is birthday time. Then I have to do LOTS more praying to get through. My kids have gotten used to me having ‘leaky eyes’ this time of year. :-D

Tov’s 8th birthday is on the 4th, my sister-in-law’s birthday is the 14th, and my other sweet niece’s birthday is the 10th of December. This year they turn 8, 9, & 11. I have Tov’s birthday gift here waiting to go in the mail, we have to take it to a Post Office to fill out declaration paperwork. I’m horrible at going to the Post Office. I’m hoping because it is letter-size it will get there in three weeks. I did stick a small treat for him into the first box because I didn’t know what the box schedule would be.

Earlier this week we sent a second box. No birthday presents from me made it into that box, but we’ll be sending another next week. I’m sad, I don’t know if Miah (oldest) won’t get anything in time for her birthday. I am still hoping the last box (the one going next week) will make it there in time, but it’ll be squeaking in if it does. Mom and dad get to go visit, they won’t get there until mid-December though. It seems like ages since we’ve seen them. Okay, so enough of my pity party.

Here is a picture of Tov & I, he was not quite 4 and a whole group of us were hiking. He was tired – we knew they were leaving in a matter of time to finish their missions training in Arizona. I took (and still take) every opportunity to snuggle my Tovie I can get – even if it comes at the cost of carrying him UPhill/mountain! I can hear his sweet little 4 year old voice as he talked to me all the way. To help me with balance & not killing my back,  he needed to put his head on my shoulder so his body weight was in the right place. I loved every minute of it! :-D {When he was home at Christmas last year – he still let me snuggle him!}

So I have been working on birthday & Christmas gifts. What do you get for Alaskan kids in the Philippines? I live by a self-imposed ____ {don’t know what to call it – motto/rule/standard?}: I don’t buy gifts for the sake of buying gifts. Usually, I don’t spend more than $5 (now sometimes $10) on a gift. I just can’t. Unless it is something someone really needs, then it’s a totally different ball game. Otherwise, I believe most of us in America don’t need half of what we have, even those of us with not much.

I strongly believe a gift should be from the heart, not an obligation.

This is something I established with my kids from the beginning, so we are really into making gifts. {Interesting note: making a gift often costs more than buying one :-D, but has so much more value.} Anyway, in the Philippines there are basic things not as easily for them to come by – like batteries. So we have to be selective with what we do. Last year for Christmas I started Tovie on Hex bugs, with a back up stash of batteries. He loved them while here, then he was concerned about using up the batteries….  I asked Vince if we should get him some more for his birthday or Christmas. {Remember: Vince went to the Philippines in April} He replied that Tov doesn’t use the Hex bugs – “why would he play with those when there are so many real bugs…why play with a fake cockroach when you can play with a real one?” GROSSS! He thought he was funny…unfortunately, I also know it was true.  Oh well, good idea gone bad.

:-D…..so, all of these memories {& yes, tears} are to say – this is a mandated sewing weekend. No more chances. I have to have everything done by early-mid week. I am making Alaska themed blankets for each of them. I’m sure they need new blankets :-) {I’m a blanket addict, as far as I’m concerned you can’t ever have too many blankets – even if their average temp is 80*…}; besides, I found awesome Alaska material this summer. AND besides that, they can wrap the blanket around them and imagine it has a hug from auntie April.

I absolutely LOVE being an auntie. I love the fact my family is close in heart and it hurts for us to be separated, as I’ve said before; “it’s because we care it hurts so much”. There was a time I never would have believed I would care if I didn’t see my brothers. For those of you with teenage children who are driving you nuts, there is hope :-D….my senior year in high school, my youngest brother & I didn’t ride to church together (he was a 6th grade boy, I do understand this better now).

Now: I love my brothers, I love my brothers’ wives, I love my brothers’ children. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for any one of them. I am blessed. I do know that, and do work to not take that for granted.

Overwhelmed. In blessings.

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(Zach is on the left, the black vests are life jackets)

(don’t know anything about this photo, except Zach sent it to dad tonight; so, I’m assuming it is the Bahamas, isn’t it gorgeous?!)
These pictures are to show you the extremes what of my brothers are seeing right now. I am very proud of both my brothers. I am proud of how they have both grown into wonderful men following hard after what they believe God wants of each of them. I am blessed to have family. Family I can turn to. Family I love. Family I miss. I am blessed to have not just one brother, but two brothers I am proud of. I am overwhelmed in blessings tonight.
Both of my brothers were trained to be pilots, they started out thinking they would serve in missions together. They made difficult choices to take different paths with their pilot training. Both working in missions, with different views out their cockpit windows. Today Matt is in Alaska, thankfully just down the road – more on that later. Zach is in the Bahamas – on his way to Haiti to help with the relief effort there. Zach left West Palm Beach, FL this morning, flew all day over water and is in Stella Maris, Bahamas tonight, and heads to Port-au-Prince early tomorrow morning. They had heavy headwinds, so they only made it half way. He is flying with Samaritan Air! My mind has worked (unsuccessfully) to really grasp this ALL day. My little brother is flying a R44 helicopter with a big mission, to help with a relief effort in Haiti that we are seeing on TV!!!!!!!!! (and my baby brother flies his plane to land on glaciers, in the bushes, wherever is needed, taking whatever is needed to whomever – an Alaskan Bush Pilot) My brothers are having incredible, huge adventures!

They have prayed me through hard times, stepping up at different times to help with decisions and my children (both before they have even had their own), walking along side me. Today, I am feeling incredibly small. We have such an awesomely HUGE God. Today as I drove in the driveway I thought “Zach is flying to Haiti, Jane is in AZ with the kids, mom & dad are in Juneau – I’m so glad Matt & Samantha are just up the road and aren’t in Chile like they were this time last year!” I think I would have just curled up and cried!!! Have you heard about Louis Giglio? Watch the few minutes here, but this video is worth buying; I have it and think of it often. It is so amazing and puts our earth’s life in perspective with what is really around us. We are so little and insignificant in the realm of life, the grand scheme of everything; so NOT the center of the universe like we’d like to think we are.
I am learning about feelings. God means for us to feel; He invites us to be a feeling people, fully feeling. I really like this description, “Feelings are the internal reactions generated by our own interpretation of people, events and life experiences.” (Me, an Evangelist? by William McKay) I don’t typically have a shortage of feelings, but I do not usually express them. Over the last couple of years I have been learning to let go enough to really feel and allowing expression of the feelings in me. It is my nature to thoroughly enjoy something, but not necessarily express it. This has been a work in progress. I am thick-skulled, aka stubborn according to my parents :).

I have not had time to write a post that has been floating in my head for 3 wks now…New Year, New living room, New Life, New Schedule. In a nutshell, we have had New Year’s, I have cleaned every corner of my house in the form of organizing every room, rearranging my living room, and we have new life in our house due to a new schedule. I decided against all economic, earthly sense to quit the part time job I had started last fall. I am not going to go into detail of any of this now, because I feel like it is all old news – besides, life is so refreshingly peaceful. However, the funny thing is – we haven’t slowed down at all! I’m not sure where working fit in. My school started after Christmas full speed ahead, with many days having homework due and often both classes having something due on the same day – 2 and 3 times/week! The rest of the kids’ school work came and we’ve been doing homeschool each day too. Vince is loving cross-country skiing, his coach told him today he is ready to advance to skate skiing, even though he’s barely started and only comes twice per week. We need to work on getting to the Saturday practices, they kind of can be an option now. I say ‘kind of’ because Matt is building and Vince is working with him on Saturday’s. We’ll have to see what we can shift, so Vince can possibly work other days per week and ski on Saturdays.
Over the last several years I have had time on my side. I usually had time to do whatever came up, I was the one who’s {is that a word? how else would you write it?} schedule was the easiest to fit something into. That has all changed so much this last school year. … These last couple years I have spent a lot of time being overwhelmed, over done, over tired, just over. We went from the hectic campaign schedule into a wonderful, fun filled summer. Full of family time and me working a couple different jobs for a couple weeks, into me starting full-time school and a part-time job out of the house, but homeschool was still a need and the house walls were starting to close in around me for lack of things at home getting done. I don’t do 6 days a week out of the house. Give me 6 days straight in the house anytime & I’m good, but that much running and I was past my last thread of sanity.
All of this is to say – in a round about way… I have become a leaking, sloppy sponge. I am so fully blessed, I feel like I am oozing. I have not felt this refreshed or peaceful in a very long time. Overwhelmed. I have been feeling overwhelmed, but I am now feeling peacefully overwhelmed. There are so many blessings in our lives. My cup is running over today. Without spending any more of your time in paragraph after paragraph of explanation I can’t begin to list all the blessings we are enjoying right now. All for His glory, for His good purpose; and there is so much yet to come.
(please ignore all spelling, punctuation, and horrible sentence structure – I’m tired & my thoughts are racing much faster than my fingers can type and my heart and mind are tripping over each other to race for what is going to come out my fingertips…tomorrow [OK -later today] starts another very full day.)