ThoughtfulEscapes

...it's life.

One Word | Eager

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As I go back and read my past One Word posts, I can see the path of my journey’s progression. He knows what is ahead while leading me – He has not been surprised by any minute detail of my life. (or yours!) All I can do is reflect on the path already traveled.

Four years ago my One Word was Trust.
Three years ago my One Word was Receive.
Two years ago my One Word was a continuation of three years ago.
Last year my One Word was Embrace.

I can confidently say I do trust Him. For my journey, I am still working on learning to receive, but this is definitely easier than it has been. The second part of my learning to receive was choosing to embrace.

Four years ago I started pondering Isaiah 43:18-19, which was when I knew I needed to learn to receive. Working on receiving well (not just choosing to accept) was the second year I spent on receive. Receiving lead me to knowing I would have to work hard at embracing. all. the. changes. … and have there been a boatload of them since May 2016, and they’ll continue through this year!

“Forget about what’s happened;
    don’t keep going over old history.

Be alert. Be present.

I’m about to do something brand-new.
    It’s bursting out! Don’t you see it?”

These verses come to mind quite consistently in my day to day life.

:: A constant reminder to be alert. be present. to look for the new things He is doing.
:: A constant reminder to choose to receive His grace over all.

It has taken me a few years to get to the point of being excited about His plans, without experiencing mind-paralyzing fear of the unknown. He knew I would need more time before I could anticipate well the plans He has for me (Jeremiah 29:11-14). I didn’t realize it until reflecting & writing this post – He started working on me four years ago! (can you say SERIOUSLY S.L.O.W. PROCESSOR! – good grief ?)

All of of this is to lead up to telling you the significance of my one word for 2018: Eager.

I am honestly EAGER for all of the changes & challenges ahead in this new year.

One Word | Embrace

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So, life got in the way of blogging – again.

I didn’t finish 31 Days – back in October. and I’m not sure I will.

I was launching my business blog, the same month. I thought it would be easier to make writing a priority if I was writing for two blogs (I could separate me from my geekiness)…which was true.

EXCEPT, I didn’t account for the emotional energy required for writing about our life Reflections.

AND, I had a product launch happening for my brothers site. which resulted in lots of orders (I’m the packaging & shipping department).

AND both my daughter & I got sick the end of September – and one or both of us have basically been sick ever since. It’s been a really long school year.

I knew I wasn’t really done with the life verses of 2015 & 2016. Remember, I’m a slow processor, so while the masses choose a different word each year, it takes me longer to “be done” with the word. It feels as if the last three One Words & Life Verses have totally gone together, growing, showing another perspective.

| Embrace |

The definition of embrace: (verb) accept or support (a belief, theory, or change) willingly and enthusiastically; (noun) an act of accepting or supporting something willingly or enthusiastically.

If you care to know, my business is Dot&Ink Designs. My brother’s is Blue Ice Aviation – if you need an Alaska scenery calendar and you don’t want to pay shipping…digital calendars are now an option.

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My Nikon camera history

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You can read about my history with cameras, we’ve been casual friends for a long time, but my actual working knowledge is seriously limited. In November 2011 I got a “real” camera, a Nikon D3100 – it had problems from day one. It was the first DSLR I owned and I was a bit disappointed with it; I shouldn’t have bought it from the place I did because they provided no return after 30 days or any help at all (all the paperwork inside the box was expired when I first opened it, but I was blinded with the desire of wanting it and afraid of not having a camera at all if I returned it.). In the end Nikon’s customer service stunk and I had to wait for the extra protection I bought to kick in. Once I sent the camera in to be serviced & it was returned, it was better.

THEN …

I got got a new lens (affiliate link) before going to the Philippines, it was way better! For two years I used it with the new lens only – the kit lens just went into the box to sit in the closet. For the most part, I was happy with the camera, but did often feel as if I wanted to take photos it just wasn’t capable of taking.

Last fall, my camera all of a sudden stopped working at one of Vince’s Cross Country races – actually it wasn’t the camera, but the lens, that froze. I was sick. I didn’t have the money to replace anything, but I did know I’ve wanted the D7100 for over a year. But again, I wasn’t in the place to replace anything. Thankfully, I had a SquareTrade protection plan on the lens and it was totally covered! I sent my lens in, they fixed it and sent it back. I was so excited to have my camera back – it had been a couple weeks. But before it actually came back….

THEN … THEN

My daughter took an interest in photography and I lost my camera.

I have now been essentially camera-less for 10 months. Yes, I owned a camera, but since she was learning all the settings, and in classes, and had homework, and projects…. ya, I could seldom just take the camera. Besides, I didn’t know enough to put the camera back to the settings I knew & understood. I chose to take the opportunity to use the iPhone camera… I’m blessed I have that option, but the camera phone just didn’t hack it for the relaxation I needed from taking photos.

Starting in October I was watching the price on Amazon, watching the price drop & drop, stopping as low as I’ve seen it. I knew I wanted the body only because I had a lens I liked. All through Christmas I watched and never felt peace about ordering it – even with all our family here.

THEN … THEN … THEN

March 2015: One day in photography class, the camera screen went black. Dead. Over. It took photos, but you couldn’t see the photos you took (like taking film photos) – the problem was not being able to change any settings. Again, no money to replace it or even pay to check it out and see what was wrong with it.

**insert: a whole new post on health issues here. I was being told I needed to destress. My desire for a camera was increasing more & it’s a form of de-stressing for me, but financially – out of the question. I more I was told to de-stress, the more frustrated I got. It was good. I turned to my Heavenly Father with the ache & learned a lot. More on this later, but it would make this post too long today.**

end of May/early June 2015: It finally worked to have my camera dropped off to be checked out. Camera repair shop is over an hour away and only open M-F, 8-5… I prayed & hoped and hoped & prayed it would be a $50 fix, for the six days they had it I anticipated getting it back fixed. The end diagnostic, main circuit board is fried. It was unfixable by repair shop, would have to be returned to Nikon and it would cost $200-$250.… uh, no thanks. I won’t lie, I wrestled with God; my heart ached; I grieved again, the finality, the end of having my camera. I was near tears as the repairman told me and then when I tried to say it out loud. I was so sad at the idea of the whole summer without a camera. (please, realize I don’t say this to be insensitive but to be honest – I know in the grand scheme of life this is so petty. I know there are real hurts in this world. I know there are people who would give up a 1,000 cameras to have family members with them.)

THEN … THEN … THEN … THEN

God provided:

  • an unexpected design contract.
  • an unexpected immediate payment.
  • the camera at the lowest I’ve ever seen it (over $100 less than Black Friday).
I don't remember - it's just so pretty!
From the Philippines on the D3100 – it’s just so pretty!

After talking with a dear sister-friend, I chose to receive God’s love in this way and I ordered the camera from a place I trusted, and had it a week later.

and then couldn’t figure out how to change any settings because it’s so different from the D3100 :-D!!! After many hours of trying to figure out some of the simple basics, I bought the intermediate level of the Ultimate-Bundle Digital Photography Bundle… I watched just one of the several eCourses and I now understand so much more than I ever have. Not to mention all of the bonuses. I am so very, very excited.

YOU are loved

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So… writing more frequently has not happened, but since the last time I wrote, my dad came home twice; my kids went on a Young Life Winter Weekend; I have finished up two websites; worked on a couple more brochures; watched my sweet nieces; and taken on another part-time job – oh, and I have spent waaaaay toooooo many hours researching Common Core & the AMP testing; we’re in the 3rd (or is it 4th now?) quarter for school; Track has started – so have the daily practices (but I don’t have to drive – YEA! :-D); and my son is in a boot for a possible fractured/broken foot, so now track is a little iffy. oh, and I went back dairy free… Want to know something? It’s not fun to find quick-to-eat, protein/filling meals without gluten, dairy, egg, or beef. So ya, it’s not out of boredom I haven’t written :-D.

Also – I FINALLY went through my 1,000s of photos from the Philippines and made a book – it took me three days straight and most of another to narrow it down to a 40 page book. I ended up pulling most of my flower/scenery ones & I’ll have to do a second book. I’m so excited to see some of them in print! While I’ve had them organized, I have only printed one photo since coming back.

Two years ago right now we were inside two weeks from leaving for two months. My heart has ached from missing the Philippines this year – I suspect because Zach & Jane and the kids were here most of last year and now they’re back over there. Assuming I get our schedule shifts smoothed out (I’m trying to get the blog into the schedule) I’d love to do a photo(s)/day to remember our time there. I know I won’t actually make it to posting here each day – but I have started trying to learn instagram, so maybe it’ll happen there. (if 5 pictures over the last 2wks counts as learning)…

The following picture is from the tribe we went to in the Philippines when we got to stay for three days – over Mother’s Day. This is the view from our friends’ front door. So beautiful!

DSC_1504

Today is Palm Sunday. For the first time in my life I’ve been reading a Lent devotional (SheReadsTruth.com <-AWESOME!). Alongside the devotional I’ve been reading another book, You’re Loved No Matter What by Holley Gerth. Amazing! I’m still working to mentally process so much of the book. I so appreciate her style of writing, it’s is as if you were sitting together with a friend visiting. So often I think of a question while reading and within a sentence or two, she answers my question – as if I asked aloud & she heard me. This book is no different.

It has been amazing to read during this Lent season as well, it has made the gift of sacrifice on Good Friday & Jesus’ resurrection on Easter have so much more meaning going into this week.

For example: Today is Palm Sunday, the day Jesus rode the donkey & everyone waved palm branches. What was brought to my attention in the Lent devotional: Jesus, as a human, was fully aware and purposely went to Jerusalem – knowing he was going to die. It was a hard thing, something He was willing to do for us, but He would rather not have to do. But He went because it was His Father’s (my Father’s) will for Him to do. Why? (from You’re Love No Matter What) Because He loves us. because He loves me. He loves all of us as a whole. He loves each of us individually. no matter what.

For the first time I’m equating the fact (mentally receiving the idea) He went to Jerusalem specifically to die, because He loves me. I always thought the importance of the story was because He was riding a baby donkey (an unridden colt) – I have only looked at the surface.

Jesus loves each of us individually – NO MATTER what we have done (or not done) in life. 

For a long time I’ve thought I was working on/was over perfectionism in my life. My twisted idea of what “being perfect” meant, I thought I was choosing to not be, so I was “over” it. Such a trap. a lie. However, throughout this book I’ve realized the fears I’m working to get past are part of perfectionism too. And I can’t “work to get past” them. I simply need to focus on enjoying a full life in Jesus & quit trying so hard. In a weird, backwards way I’ve been stuck in a cycle of perfectionism and being paralyzed by the overwhelm to be “perfect”. I feel as if each morning I’ve had a coffee visit with Holley and she has helped me see how this ISN’T how our Father wanted me to live, it is why He sent His son to die – for each of us. We are ALL loved already – NO MATTER what. Oh.my.goodness!!! See how it all comes full circle? He is a crazy, amazing, wonderfully good God. and He loves you! There will always be an element of longing & waiting for perfect, because we won’t be perfect until we’re in heaven.
We are only/already a third of the way through 2015 and this has been a year for receiving. My heart is full. Receive has not been in outward, evident, tangible ways, but so many mental ways. Choosing to receive, choosing to receive grace, choosing to believe differently than I thought before. Choosing to embrace the truth of His love has been so refreshing.

**I received a copy of this book from Revell in exchanged for my honest review. I was not required to write a positive review.**