When I was eight-and-a-half months pregnant with my daughter, one day after a milder verbal discourse, my ex-husband stormed out, and my Dad told me I didn’t have to live “this way”. It was the first glimmer of hope in several years. The first time there was a thought that life could be different – other than my ideas, which were not good plans, trust me. This conversation was in July of 2000. At the time my ex-husband had recently spent time in jail for a DUI and had a suspended license.

I desperately didn’t want to be a single-mom. I didn’t know any single parents. Only one relative on both sides of my family as far back as we knew had been divorced. I desperately didn’t want to be a single-mom. I pleaded with God for things to change.

When my daughter was 10 weeks old, it was obviously time for a change. I asked him to get help or leave. He left. My children & I became a single-parent family 18 years ago. While there were hardships, I am so thankful for the wisdom and support of friends & family. At the time and especially in hindsight, I knew we were better off. We were safe. And while I couldn’t provide a father for my children, there was peace in our home.

Nearly every day for the last 18 years has started with me having Bible Study time in the morning – I don’t function well if I didn’t start the day with Him. (Do you know the example of putting rice & a golf ball in a jar? It’s so totally true!*) Then came my children. My mom had always wisely said to not do things while kids were sleeping that you could do when they were awake. I also knew I was supported by friends and family in prayer, and my parents allowed us to live in the apartment attached to their house. I was greatly blessed. His ways are not our ways. My children & I were redeemed in seperation.

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*Object lesson:

If you have a large jar; a golf ball, marble, or something bigger; and enough rice to almost fill the jar.

Imagine the golf ball/marble/whatever is the time you want to spend with God each day.
The rice is every other big & little thing that happens in a day.

If you fill the jar with rice and try to add the larger object, you’ll have a hard time making it all fit. Imagine the days you have your to-do list and think you have the perfect plan to make it all work. It’s tiring always trying to put so much in the day.

But, IF you put the large object in first (or start your day with your Heavenly Father), you can pour the rice in and around and everything will fit. And, honestly, if there’s a little left over it probably doesn’t matter much.

THE POINT: Do your quiet time first thing in the morning and everything else in the day will fit in & work out for His glory.

Let the redeemed of the Lord say so,
whom he has redeemed from trouble.
Psalm 107:2 in the New International Version (NIV)

Has the Lord redeemed you? Then speak out!
Tell others he has saved you from your enemies.
Psalm 107:2 in The Living Bible (TLB)

Let the redeemed of the Lord say so,
whom He has redeemed from the hand of the adversary.
Psalm 107:2 in the New American Standard Bible (NASB)

Let the redeemed of the Lord proclaim
that he has redeemed them from the power of the foe.
Psalm 107:2 in the Christian Standard Bible (CSB)

I have been redeemed and it is time for me to speak up and say so! I don’t typically speak up in a group setting, so this is not my natural go-to. However, this month is Write 31 Days and I’ve joined many others in setting the goal to write everyday this month. And, in obedience to my Heavenly Father, I will be proclaiming His redemption in my life. Since I haven’t blogged in forever, it will be a learning curve to come write in this space each day.

First of all, I grew up in a loving, conservative, Christian home. I was born in Alaska, the years I was seven and eight we lived in Wisconsin for the winter and went to Alaska in the summer. From nine until fourteen we lived full-time in Wisconsin; then two months after I turned fourteen we moved back to Alaska.

You know how so often young kids are asked what they want to be when they grow up? As a young girl, the only thing I ever wanted to be was a mom and wife.

Prior to nine, I was a very happy child. I totally believed Jesus was the answer to anything and everything, this belief has never wavered. I’ve often been told I have a lot of faith. Mostly, I’m determined and stubborn. I know what I believe and I believe whole-heartedly in Jesus Christ as my Savior – no matter what.

When I was nine, I was sexually abused. There was a lot of confusion and mistrust planted in my mind because the abuser told me my parents knew and were okay with what he was doing. Of course they didn’t know, but I didn’t know this until I was a junior in high school. After the abuse, I started to have nightmares. I never told anyone about them, but I practiced my absolute faith early on – in the nightmare I would simply say, “In the name of Jesus, you can’t hurt me”, and then I’d wake up. It was not uncommon for this to happen multiple times in a single night. There were a couple recurring, but most just had the same theme.

In my naiveté, the lies I believed included that I would never be able get married, which to me also ment I’d never have children. When I went to college I was introduced to someone who claimed to have been raised similarly to me, and said there was no issue with the previous abuse.

Shortly after getting married, I realized life was not going to be what I expected. Nor, was it something I should have understood. It was an abusive marriage – emotionally and verbally – probably in other ways too, but I haven’t chosen to research it too much. I didn’t understand what was going on, and I thought I was stuck for life. I had been taught, believed, and committed to marriage for life. I didn’t understand there were options unless there was physical abuse. So I attempted to make the best of life. I put aside the dream of being a mom, I doubted it could be good. I knew I didn’t want to bring children into the abusive situation.

Redemption: When I thought I wouldn’t ever get married, I did. While I thought it was best to not have children, God had other plans. My son is my oldest; over his second birthday I had a miscarriage. At that point life had becom enearly unbearable. I believed it best for him to be an only child. Eleven days after his third birthday, my daughter was born. Ten weeks later my husband, my childrens’ daddy left.

We were redeemed. He was the abuser, and he left. I can only attribute his leaving to being an answer to prayer. I would not have had children without being married, and I belived being married was for life. Our family of three was recovered. Our family of three was changed for the better. Our family of three was obtained, released, restored from “captivity”.

Redemption. There is so much for me to learn about this word. For all of my life, I’ve only thought of this word in the context of Jesus has redeemed me (& you if you choose/have chosen to accept his gift of Salvation).

According to the online Merriam-Webster Dictionary.com:

• REDEMPTION (noun)
  • the act, process, or instance of redeeming; to redeem
• REDEEM (verb)
  • to buy back;
  • to free from what distresses or harms;
  • to change for the better;
  • to repair, restore;
  • to atone for.

According to Dictionary.com:

• REDEMPTION (noun)
  • an act of redeeming or atoning for a fault of mistake, or the state of being redeemed;
  • deliverance, rescue;
  • Theology. deliverance from sin, salvation;
  • atonement for guilt.

• REDEEM (verb)
  • to buy back, clear by payment;
  • to recover;
  • to exhange;
  • to convert;
  • to make up for, make amends for;
  • to obtain the release or restoration of, as from captivity – by paying a ransom;
  • Theology. to deliver from sin & its consequences by means of a sacrifice offered for the sinner.

However, this year it has become apparent to me the word is not singluarily about Jesus redeeming me from my sins. It can be used in other ways as well. While it is most importantly because of Jesus’ death for my sins & His conquering death with His resurrection from the dead, I am redeemed (You can be too.) – I am also in “the state of being redeemed”.

As I mentioned in my last post, this year has held A LOT of changes. When I wrote the post in January, I still had all the unknowns ahead of me. Now the changes have been made and I’m starting to process. I was, and still am, EAGER to see what God has in store, but I need to stop, ponder, and reflect on how He is redeeming what I’ve always thought. Once again, it is time for 31 Days, so I’m going to write about the many ways I am in “the state of being redeemed” by my Father.

As I mentioned last October, while I want to love October, I’ve struggled with this month for years. For a variety of reasons, I have a HARD time letting September go and letting October start. This year, I’ll have just moved 3,200 miles after living in the same place for the last 19 years. I know I need the mental space to get caught up on school and I’m choosing to extend myself the grace – in advance – to start on Monday, October 8th.

This month, I’m going to be studying & reflecting on God’s redemption in all parts of my life. I will be writing with the Write 31 Days group about Redemption in Life & Business.

Speak Out
Redemption in Separation
Once Again