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One Word | Receive

January 14, 2015 by April

New Year. One Word. One Verse.

It’s that time again.

As Christmas approached and life felt calmer than it had for a long time, I realized I was enjoying the fruits of my one word last year. I had a whole list of words I was debating, interestingly enough, I didn’t remember the rest of them specifically, but as I think over last year I can remember moments of those words all being front and center and choosing to trust above all. In January 2014, I wrote a list for how I was going to choose to trust. Now, a year later, I can see how trust was just a first step (& a glimpse or two of growth).

My word for this year was hard for me to come up with, so much so I was debating if I was even going to “do it”. I was leaning more towards picking a verse to live by, to remember each day at random moments when things were “off”, to filter each upcoming circumstance thru; but then I started seeing all these posts about picking a verse…and the rebellion in me surfaced.

I didn’t want to do what everyone else was doing.

So I did the mature thing (HA!). I decided I didn’t care and wasn’t going to participate in any of “it” this year. I’d just continue to focus on trust. After all, I have a long ways to go yet to be able to say I “get” the idea of trust.

then …

in reading yet another book*; listening to yet another song* and having a resulting conversation with my daughter* (and finding out I was horribly wrong in that conversation*); and a couple Bible Studies later…. I was feeling as if I’d failed the whole year and hadn’t learn how to trust at all…..

then …

there was a verse I’m sure I’ve read before. a verse I know I’ve heard before. but, it seriously slapped me in the face, Isaiah 43:18 & 19 from the Message, it stood in front of me waving it’s arms to get my attention – then it hit me. hard. like knocked the wind out of me:

“Forget about what’s happened;
    don’t keep going over old history.

Be alert. Be present.

I’m about to do something brand-new.
    It’s bursting out! Don’t you see it?”

What?

  • Forget about what’s happened?* I thought I was supposed to remember so I don’t repeat the mistakes I’ve made in the past.
  • Don’t keep going over old history? I thought I was supposed to learn from the past in order to not waste the pain. I knew I wasn’t to dwell on it, but I did think I was supposed to use it as a reference point.*
  • He is going to do something brand-new?* So, I should anticipate change?* I should look forward to something new? “It’s bursting out? Don’t you see it?” To me, this sounds like it means it’s something good, not to be afraid of. (I realize Jeremiah 29:11 says He has good plans for us, but I still haven’t ever enjoyed change, or the idea of change.)

When I read this, I all of a sudden had the image of me pushing His gift of grace & unconditional love back into His hands, of me telling Him (by my actions) Jesus wasn’t/isn’t enough. I was sickened. I’m sure it was the combination of doing an Advent Bible Study (an actual study, not activities like I’ve tried in the past) and working on Christmas gifts that His ultimate gift/giving a gift were so closely at the front of my mind. Since June I’ve been trying to grasp how extravagant our God is*. This is NOT a philosophy I’ve grown up with, believe, exercised, or even really considered to be truth – until June 2014.

Mind boggling. I realized I really did need to branch out my focus for 2015, to not just to focus on trust. but instead, what I was going to do with trust. I continued to pray & ask for help to see what He wanted me to see, hear what He wanted me to hear, and then trust what I saw & heard. I knew there were still pieces missing in my mind.

Then, in church another verse got me. Romans 12:12

“Rejoice in hope.

Be patient in tribulation.

Be constant in prayer.”

My answer: Hope. Anticipation. Patience. Prayer.

My answer, but not my word. It didn’t “feel” right, it wasn’t complete. Following is an incomplete copy/paste of my text conversation with a dear, dear sister-friend who knows ALL my ugly, understands my way of thinking, has listened to ENDLESS hours of my verbal processing, and helped me stay focused on Him. (by the way, this conversation was as she crossed over into 2015 and I was still waiting for the clock to turn over)

me: what is the word for imagine/anticipate/expect/look forward to?
her: Man, you said them all
me: there isn’t one word that means all of it? I’m trying to summarize my ‘one word’ for 2015. last year was trust – this year, Is 43:18&19 in the message is what I want to hang onto each morning
her: Expectancy…….Hope
me: hope is what i’ve thought before, but i feel like the desperate part of hope has dropped off for me
her: Faith is the substance of things hoped for……..hope is made of faith
me: so which comes first
her: They flow together
me: so can you have faith without hope or hope without faith? Im’ confused on which I don’t have. or should i say – which i struggle with more
her: because you need to exercise acceptance. So maybe that is the word, acceptance

(I had forgotten I felt that way about the word hope – until getting on to write this post and seeing I wrote it a year ago. BUT, I’m so excited to note the “desperate part of hope has dropped off for me” without even really remembering it was something I was wanting to see changed!)

So I ushered in the new year thinking ‘acceptance’ was my one word…but I noticed when I’d think about writing it, I felt panicky. as in mind shut down panicky. A couple more days of prayer and a the middle of the night revelation (as in woke me up out of a hard sleep & I still remembered it in the morning!!!).

What was this middle of the night revelation? My problem with ‘acceptance’ was too often I have felt as if I had to accept something/s. circumstances I can’t change. it’s a feeling of being resigned to what is going on. I have a choice to choose a good attitude or not, but I can’t change what is happening.

Receive.

Receive is the word I was looking for. Receive is the word that makes my soul sigh with relief. For your sake (& because of time restraints), I’m not going to explain all this means to me right now. :-) What I will say – I am thoroughly anticipating this new year and all it will bring like no other year before. I am eager to receive all He has in store – good and bad. hard and easy. deep and superficial. fleeting and long-lasting. Crazy, but I think I might actually be going down the right path. with the lights on so I can see.

Receive photo wm

* these are all bunny trails you can thank me for NOT taking you on (for today at least :-D). However, you can expect to see them brought up again in future posts. Just as soon as I can wrap my brain around processing them and writing it out.

I am linking up with the Faith Barista for Beloved Brews.

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Ask. Seek. Knock.

October 4, 2014 by April

We woke up to snow this morning. I don’t have a picture of snow on the ground because I didn’t take the time to take a photo with my phone. Instead I savored a morning to sleep in, lit my candle, enjoyed coffee and read my Bible with Christmas instrumental music on :-D.

I miss my camera. I’m saving to get the Nikon D7100…… my brother dropped his off today so I could play with it for a day or so to make sure I like it :-).

I am asking my Father for some things right now. I am asking for enough income to not be miserable this winter. I am hoping and praying my “business” can gain it’s footing. I say “business” because I STINK at running a business – it confuses my brain.

I am seeking Him. I am seeking clarity. I’d be happy working a consistent job from home too, I’m not stuck on owning my own business, but I’ve been doing mostly freelance work and some of the people I work for need me to have a state business license. I’d like this to become enough income to be able to count on having funds. The constant uncertainty gets draining. My hope is in Him.

I am knocking. He is answering. I’ve been so busy because of a couple projects, but I know it will come to a halt with election day (hazard of working for political candidates). However, I am trusting, hoping, continuing to knock on doors to see which will be opened by His hand.

rusty lock on door w verse31DaysTrust365onewordDay 4 of 31 Days

 

Trust

October 3, 2014 by April

I am trusting this is true.

white flowers rocks w verseHe is with me wherever I go.

Today has been a long day after a week of long days. I am beyond tired. The doctor actually told me this morning (14+ hours ago) that sleep would be like medicine for me and a bonus would be to relieve stress in my life. Not sure how I am gong to incorporate these two elements, but I believe writing here will help … not totally sure how adding something to my daily schedule will relieve stress.

Guess it just goes to show how relief comes in all forms – for me it is usually in quiet and/or creating, and I have not had much of either lately.

I am also choosing to trust, hope, believe all is for the best regarding lots of changes right now. Again, not normal for me. I like status quo. routine. rhythm. plans. lists. I’ve quit writing lists because I got so discouraged in how many times a day my list was having to change. Think that’s going to change. I miss lists, not for them to dictate my day but to be a tool to keep me on track.

365oneword

31DaysTrustDay 3 of 31 Days

31 Days of Life |2014|

October 1, 2014 by April

How is it possible another October 1st has rolled around – and I posted even less in the last year than the year prior. ugh! I always enjoy the challend of writing/posting for 31 Days, but here I am with 1 hour left on October 1 and it’s the first moment I could get here this week….

Anyway, here are my guide lines for the next month of blogging.

  • my goal: to write (& post) each of the next 31 Days.
  • my desire: to enjoy the process as much as I have in the past.
  • my hope: I can be an encouragement to you along the way.

bird w verseI am going to hang tight to this verse. right now. this moment.

He does know what I need. I am going to seek Him. I can’t help anything by worrying.

I won’t be anxious. I will live, enjoy, embrace, cherish today for being today.

At the beginning of 2014 I chose one word to focus on, Trust. While I haven’t posted much this year, I have learned much. I often consider whether I am living out trust, or faking it.

I am an extremely slow processor, always have been, and with the enormous amount of information we can get at a moments notice, it feels as if my processor is seriously lagging these days.

I have much to be thankful for this year. So much good, but it has still been so much. This extreme introvert is working overtime to keep up with all the good, the change, the thoughts, the processes, and TWO high schoolers! I can’t pin myself down to posting about only Trust for these 31 days, but I do plan to share more of the things I’ve learned about trust this year. The next 31 Days will aptly be called 31 Days of Life – once again, (That I can commit to sharing :-D.), but I expect you will see the common thread of trust weaving it’s way through each (or most) posts throughout the month.

I will tell you, I have spent waaaaayyyy toooo mannnnny hours on the computer today, but I finally have an online portfolio (years in the making-web development is NOT my thing). I’m pretty excited! :-D I might even get around to changing this space….

365oneword31DaysTrust

Day 1 of 31 Days

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